#like yeah there's relief maybe
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egophiliac · 4 months ago
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Since book 7 part 5 (the part where we meet Meleanor/Maleanor 👀) is coming to EN this month, i would love to see your take on lilia’s proposal to meleanor! i mean they were like little kids right? it couldn’t have been that serious…i think the only reason she even brought it up again is because she could tell lilia still genuinely loved her…(even if he didn’t realize it himself?) but, oh well! Let’s think about silly childhood shenanigans to numb the pain! ^_^ (orz)
oh shit?! get ready for a doozy guys, it's comiiiiiing ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
I chickened out of posting the whole thing (look, I get VERY carried away when it comes to these wacky kids and their Tragedy), but I do believe that it probably ended with Lilia getting embarrassed and just shoving the first thing he sees into his mouth to try and cover for it.
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(we're just lucky it wasn't a frog this time)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 5 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 5 spoilers#please excuse the Dissertation that's about to happen (i have too much headcanon about them)#they've been ambiguous about most of the fae aging/developmental stages (plus lilia and mel's species age differently)#so this is entirely me assuming based on context#but i think that lilia being ~99 was probably about the equivalent of 9-10ish?#(i don't think his age maps perfectly onto 'human age times 10') (if only because i absolutely do not believe general lilia is 29)#(but in this case it feels right to me)#and i think of meleanor as being just slightly older (like ~11-12ish)#so like...kids but not LITTLE-little kids#so i think lilia was serious in a 'i have a huge crush on you and i haven't thought beyond that' kind of way#and meanwhile mel was more cognizant of how their dynamic was basically#lilia: i would die for you#meleanor: that's dumb#(lilia 600 years later: man she was right. that was dumb.)#but yeah I think she might've assumed (or hoped) he would grow out of it#except whoops oh no it just got worse#and then raverne made things MORE complicated and you know honestly maybe getting murdered was kind of a relief#meleanor in heaven: well at least he won't accidentally raise my kid to have the exact same -- are you kidding me#(i have too many thoughts to express properly i'm sorry) (i just. love these morons a lot okay.)
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angeart · 7 months ago
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hhau rescue rambles - part II
>> part I here // hhau masterpost here <<
The hermits are here to take Scar home but Grian is gone and Scar can’t leave without him, even if the others would promise to look for him. (They won’t find him, they won’t, they won’t. Scar knows how vast these forests are. He knows how many hiding spots there are tucked away if one knows where to look.) (They don’t know where to look.)
They’re not listening to him. He’s half-feral and panicked and desperate, barely making any sense. He keeps saying he needs to find Grian, but he looks half-crazed, clothes stained by a huge amount of blood and—
If it looks, a little bit, like he’s just in frenzied denial of some grief? That maybe something happened and Grian isn’t here anymore? The world is permadeath, after all. The rescue party isn’t sure what to think.
Of course they promise to look for Grian. Of course they’ll try. But first, let’s get you somewhere safe, Scar.
Scar panics and backs away and says he isn’t going anywhere until they find Grian. He’s so so afraid they’ll take him away and he’ll never find him. (He keeps imagining that wretched scream he heard that very first day he found Grian, a year ago. How close of a call that was.) (He thinks of finding him after the mimic incident, barely surviving. Wounded and bloodied and ready to collapse.) (He thinks of Grian sobbing as he begs Scar to never leave him again.)
He can’t leave him behind. He can’t.
He won’t.
He’s done everything he can up to this point and if this is his last fight? Then damn it, he’s going to go out swinging. He is going to find Grian. Even if he has to fight his saviours. (They’re enemies if they’re trying to separate him and Grian—) 
He growls and lashes out and his vex magic comes through. The hermits are stunned and a little bit afraid and a whole lot confused. They’ve never seen him like this, hair white and claws ready to tear. (Cub, especially, is terrified of this development. Knowing that if Scar pushes himself too far in his vex form, he could die.) 
They try to placate him, calm him down, reassure him. They try to get the damn teleportation bracelet on him. They keep telling him they can take him home, it’s okay, Scar, it’s okay.
It’s not okay.
He isn’t leaving without Grian, and he isn’t trusting anyone else with this.
So he runs.
He runs from his friends—from people he loves with all his heart; people he thought he’ll never see again. Runs from the promise of home and safety and this hell being finally over. 
He runs, because he can’t take the salvation if he can’t share it with Grian.
Everything’s a bit of a blur as he rushes through the forest, looking for something to tell him where Grian is. He’s fully in his vex form, senses sharp and heart panicked, calling out, desperate for Grian to reply. 
There’s no answer.
Scar sees it, then: a handful of ripped-out feathers and blood.
His heart jumps into his throat, but he laser-focuses and starts following the trail. The world feels askew around him, his steps urgent, his breaths hovering near growls that want to threaten the whole forest if anything dares to hurt Grian more. (He hopes Grian’s still out there.) (He has to be. He has to be—) (Why is he not replying to Scar’s calls, then?)
Scar’s aware that if he can follow the trail of blood, so can others. He needs to be better than them. Faster. (He needs to be a better hunter than them.) He knows that if he’s following the trail now, maybe someone already followed it. (He tries not to let that thought in. That he might be too late.) 
He’s trailed by the hermit rescue party. They scramble in his wake, trying not to lose him. They lag behind, losing sight of him, but Cub staggers to follow his vex bond with Scar, like a tether, trying to hold down the swell of warning anxiety at the fact that Scar is in his vex form. Scar looks feral, he lashed out and ran from them, clothes stained by blood and hair white—
Them following just makes Scar feel hunted. His instincts go haywire and put him more on edge. 
He keeps going.
He keeps calling out, too. Uncaring that he’s attracting every hunter in the vicinity. He can take them. He will happily attract them to himself if that means they won’t go after Grian instead. (The fact that he’s searching for Grian gets a bit tangled up in him. The fact that if he succeeds, he’ll just be bringing the hunters to Grian fails to quite register. He’s not thinking very straight.)
Hermits hear those wails, echoing through the forest. He sounds like a wandering spirit. 
Inhuman. 
Lost.
 --
Grian is hurt. Hand pressed against the spot on his side that bleeds, he sits curled up, pressing himself into some bushes for a moment of reprieve—just a moment, just a little bit, please, please.
He hears Scar’s calls from far away. He hears them, and his heart tears itself to pieces.
He is terrified and hurting, and it feels dangerously close to a despair-filled memory.
 He tries to shield himself from it. There’s a reason he ran. There’s a reason why Scar should stay away from him. He can’t— He shouldn’t— He—
Scar draws closer. Grian can hear his sobbing and heaving. His pleading, so heartrendingly desperate. “Grian please. Grian answer me.”
Grian finds himself cautiously standing up, every muscle taut. His heart is rabbity fast, fear clogging his throat. 
He doesn’t mean to answer. He really, really doesn’t mean to. (He needs to keep Scar away.) Yet a distressed chirp slips through anyway, like a terrified call, begging for Scar.
The sound of it pitches something in Scar. His sobbing changes to panic and dwindling hopefulness. “Grian…?”
There’s a tinier chirp then. Scared. Still involuntary.
Grian is so so afraid and he should know better, but a part of him is desperate for Scar.
The moment he sees Scar, though, the futility rips through him. No. He isn’t meant to— Scar shouldn’t be near him. Because Grian’s been gone so shortly and yet the hunters have already found him. He’s already gotten hurt. He is a beacon.
He can’t stay near Scar. It’ll get Scar hurt. 
It’ll get Scar killed.
(Everything good that stays near Grian dies—)
He needs to get away from him.
He backs away. Tells Scar, in a wobbly voice, not to approach.
Scar doesn’t care. He needs to get to Grian. He needs to get to him, they can go home, this can all be over. 
Running on some faulty reasoning, Grian tries to get away. It’s useless, he is in no state to outrun Scar—he can’t bring himself to fly and he’s bleeding, dizzy on panic—but he feels like he needs to try, anyway. 
His feet feel heavy beneath him, the world unsteady. Scar is behind him and Grian’s heart begs him to stop, turn around, and burrow into his arms. (He can’t he can’t he can’t—)
It takes only a couple of steps for Grian to trip over some roots, the world as cruel to him as ever, sending him plummeting harshly down in a rough tumble of leaves and limbs and feathers. A pained, fearful yelp gets punched out of him on impact.
Scar’s next to him in an instant, kneeling down and gathering him in his arms. Crying as he buries Grian in a hug, terrified he might try to run again. Frantically telling him, “Grian, it’s over, it’s over, we can go home— Please—”
Grian’s sobbing against him, held in place, unable to understand what Scar is saying. He just wants Scar to get away from him and stay safe. (Grian can’t be safe. He’s been doomed from the start. He’s been doomed this whole time.) (He’ll end up like that bird. Dead, with wings ripped off—)
The words “it’s over” mean nothing to him. All he manages to choke out is, “There is no— There’s no home anymore.” They’ve had their safety ripped away from them over and over again. They’ve been showed that they can’t have a home anymore; this world will not allow it. Nowhere is safe. Nowhere is safe, as long as Grian’s wings are bright violet and attached to his spine. 
Scar insists, a series of reassurances, words tripping over each other as he tries to keep his hold on his voice. He says they’ll be okay. He says they don’t have to run anymore. Please, Grian, we can go home.
But it’s not a concept that exists anymore for Grian; it refuses to register in his mind, words sliding right off him, incoherent.
What he knows is this: he failed to protect Scar, and they don’t have a home to go back to, and Grian is sure the hunters are about to show up, any second. He’s so tired and terrified, and he needs Scar to be shielded from this fate. He needs him to be safe.
Scar isn’t letting go of him. His grip is firm as he continues to plead with Grian. He doesn’t want to be rough, he’s never been forceful with Grian, but he can’t let go now. Even as Grian paws at him and tries to push him away. 
Grian’s crying so hard; his efforts to get free are all frantic and urgent, yet half-hearted. (He wants to give in and bury himself in the protectiveness of Scar’s arms.) (He wants all of Scar’s promises to be true.)
And yet something tips askew.
Because Scar’s never been forceful with Grian.
He was always so gentle. He’d never grab him like this, with so much force. So much insistence.
Grian is hit with a dizzying, nauseating thought. Is this a trap? Is this a mimic?
Grian starts chirping. More of those distressed, scared noises as he can't get free of Scar's grip.
It’s the first time ever that Scar won’t heed Grian’s requests to be let go. Not even if Grian says it hurts. He won’t let go he won’t he won’t. He’ll drag him home if he has to.
Grian’s scared and confused, all his thoughts are jumbled, running on rampant trauma responses and unadulterated panic. He can’t deal with any of this. He keeps trying to wrangle free and push Scar away (is it even Scar???), begging him to let go, but it’s so horribly weak. It’s almost nothing. He just chokes on sobs and hyperventilates. (He feels caught.) (He feels like Scar will get killed because of him.) (He doesn’t know what’s happening.)
It’s awful. It’s wrong. It’s— It’s not what it’s meant to be. 
This should be easy. This should be the best day ever! They can go home! 
Instead, it’s like a panicked final showdown and Scar feels like it’s him against everyone. The hermits weren’t listening to him (Grian needs him, he needs him, he needs him), and now Grian isn’t listening to him either. (He can’t comprehend what Scar’s saying at all, and isn’t that so heartbreaking?) (Scar is desperate to get through to him. To calm him down enough so that this could be anything more than Scar forcefully holding him as Grian chokes on panic.) (The kind of panic he should never feel in Scar’s arms—)
Voice breaking, Scar pleads, over and over again. Please, Grian. Please. It’s okay. It’s okay, we can go home, we’ll be alright. It’s me. It’s me, I got you, we’re gonna be safe.
It’s the kiss he presses to Grian’s hair that tips the scales a little, just enough for Grian’s chirps to mute, his sobbing drifting off into softer cries. He goes limp under the affection, still terrified, still trembling and choking on air, but now he’s pressing himself against Scar instead of trying to get free. 
“G, do you understand what I’m saying?” Scar begs in a wavering voice, unbecoming of his feral appearance. He holds onto the magic prickling along his skin, alert for any sort of danger, anything that so much as tries to approach and hurt Grian. His hands are still clawed. His hair is still white. His veins are still stuffed with unending desperation. 
Nothing is over yet. 
It should be. It should be, but it isn’t.
Not yet, not yet.
 The hunters find them before the hermits do.
-- part III here
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fizzytoo · 2 years ago
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s0fter-sin · 6 months ago
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is there any actual catharsis in the boys or is it all just suffering and scrambling for a crumb of relief
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britneyshakespeare · 2 months ago
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you know depending on how this election goes i might have to buy more barbies
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tankgotstuckinthecircusgate · 5 months ago
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i know that when carlo suddenly decided that he needs to marry guy made a whole list in his head n like had a deadlines n shit. like it was some kind of a task he needed to do
#whole fkin campaign. idk still not sure how it was but man was in his peacock era for sure#n it's like i need to find a wife i need to make it in 2 (or whatever) months etc etc#but its like a bg task n he didn't speak bout it w others. like he just said that he needs to marry#also idk if i mentioned this but i wrote lauretta/carlo first meet long ago n she was w her fiance#i just listened to “pretty music” again sorry. i like that uh governor or tf this character is#changes his behaviour from one woman to another so real. n that fkin “but im a lucky guy who gets to dance w u”#and “since u know what i need i'll even take your lead” <- fr like im sure lauretta screwed him for several times#just to see if he's really serious good old manipulations w men nothing new nothing superstitious#upd. he probably made a mind budget for this (i mean finding a wife)#n bout lauretta screwing carlo its like in this ukranian song Ти ж мене пiдманула ти ж мене пiдвела#but since he's a strategist he's patient (like i wanted to accent this quality sm i wrote#that carlo started thinkin bout taking moretti's place back in 1932)#anyway. “Challenge accepted” situation and idk fr for some reason when it's carlo eddie lauretta it's always bout playing#so lauretta started playing n he entered this play too. i don't even think he was exactly mad (maybe only for the 1st time)#at this point i have a clear image of how they met n their first dates (cringe word) n how he proposed#ie how it started how it ended. ending was fast i believe (deadline is approaching 🤯)#what was in between i don't exactly know but i wondered just now if he also screwed lauretta (i think yes)#bc i don't knooowwww frrr all this is so bout playing to me#but bout ending its like. boss fight (<- sex) game credits (<- marriage) ((speedrun))#also i was thinkin if he even ever met lauretta's parents (i always thought that no but idk)#can imagine lauretta calling carlo a good friend. i also hm ok#i started to write a comic like a month ago just bout falcone polycule n it starts w#carlo who says that he finally needs to get married n lauretta's mother askin (in a pushing way) why#her n her fiance still aren't married like girl tf. she jinxed it i guess#upd. carlo/lauretta is funny in my head bc right before marriage he did fell in love lauretta didn't but guy's profitable we'll take him👍#she did only after marriage i think bc it was the time when u can finally relief bc it's over#u don't need to think bout no yes no no yes yes will it work or won't etc#woman was able to fucking chill at last. she got the money sorry i mean the man#he's not runnin away let's finally look who the fuck is even this man. why he won't shut up bout astronomy can i get a divorce <- jk#but yeah “я тобi брехала” is so lauretta right after marriage to me (“i dont even know the color of ur hair”)
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seokwoosmole · 7 months ago
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Never has my opinion about a non-antagonist character changed so drastically than it has about Shigure ok there might have been some before but right now I can’t think of any.
I went from “Oh he’s just a silly lil guy” to “*sobs* silly *sobs again* DAD” to “ohhhh….silly….pervy😳lil guy” to “ohhhh….silly mysterious guy???” to “oh- oh….😬”
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helsafterdark · 6 months ago
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hear me out
for the writing prompts, 4.
they dont have enough sweet calm times of just loving each other with no kink
Hearing you out ☝️ for some reason I struggled so hard with getting this done genuinely sorry it took like over a month 😭
( for this )
// ns/fw, casual and soft/sensual, light praise
Ex shoved Hels back on the bed and straddled her, taking in all of him just as hungrily as she was eyeing them.
Slowly, they ran their hands up her body, exploring every scar and curve and stretch mark with their fingertips.
“God why are you so hot all the time it's not fair, “ they complained, hands reaching Hels' chest and casually squeezing one of his tits, brushing over her nipple piercing, “and do not make some dumbfuck fire related joke! It's low hanging fruit.”
Hels opened and closed her mouth. That was obviously what he had been planning to do.
So instead she just laughed and leaned back, relaxing as Ex kissed all along his chest and stomach.
She held their thighs, rubbing circles into the skin, and they were the first to moan when they rolled their hips down against his. Hels could see the lust glittering in their eyes when they leaned in for a kiss.
He let himself get lost in the taste and warmth of them, only vaguely aware of them continuing to grind on her through boxers and him bucking up in return. Her hands slid up from their thighs to their ass and back before finally resting at the sides of their face, holding them gently pulling them in further.
His forked tongue lapped at their bottom lip and into their mouth, the way their bodies were pressed together pushing to kiss to more intense and heated territories.
“Fuck me,” Ex mumbled into her mouth.
Hels groaned, a wave of heat rolling over his body and making her cock harden.
She sat up, pushing Ex off him and onto their back, “Is that what you want? Want me to use you and make you feel full?” his pupils were dilated and dark, far from their normal narrowly slitted state.
They shivered at the words, biting their lip in delight when she got on top of them.
“Please.”
Emotion swelled up inside Hels, desire and pure affection making him almost giddy. He hid his face in the crook of their neck purring and grinning like an idiot while her hands slipped ever so slowly under their boxers waistband and pushed the pair down their legs and off them.
“You're gorgeous…” he whispered.
“You sappy idiot.”
Ex smiled and held the back of her neck, their soft hum turning into a groan when Hels’ calloused fingers rubbed against their cock, already slick and wet with their own arousal.
She teased their hole, tracing around it and a finger or two slipping in to only the first knuckle as she kissed their neck. Ex arched perfectly against his touch, eager and needy and just perfect.
“Helsie…” they whined.
He pushed in deeper and almost moaned feeling how wet they were, it made him feel feral and hot all over. She couldn't control herself; he needed inside of them.
Automatically he started rhythmically toying with them, feeling his face only get warmer and warmer.
“You better get in me now before you spontaneously combust,” Ex's joking words brought her back.
She realized smoke had started to trail from his mouth and ears, his hair hot with flame on the back of his head and the purr in his chest almost a growl.
Hels let out some sort of weak animalistic sound then hastily pulled away to free himself of the last of her clothes.
Wasting no time he pushed Ex's legs over his shoulders and leaned down. Ex fit their fingers perfectly between Hels' - letting their hands be locked together - and grinned.
And when Hels finally started to push in every inch was bliss.
She thrusted steadily and let himself melt into the pleasure, closing her eyes and moaning in tandem with Ex.
Their nails dug into his back, swearing at the intense feeling of just how deep Hels was. She wasn't going particularly fast and that almost made it more intense.
“Why don't you touch yourself baby?” he purred looking down at them, her expression almost smug, “I want you to feel as good as I do.”
Ex moaned again and obediently moved their free hand to touch themself, instinctively bucking against their touch and Hels.
Hels watched Ex's fingers work as his cock slid in and out of their hole with no resistance. She struggled to keep composure as another intense wave of pleasure and arousal pushed through him, enough to almost make her limbs shake.
“I'm not gonna last long, fuck this is good.”
“Like you ever do,” Ex teased.
“First of all, rude, second you're one to talk.”
Hels angled his hips and thrusted hard, making whatever Ex had been about to retort dissolve into a whimper. It didn't escape Hels' notice how they sped up their motions on their cock.
“Yeah I'm- oh actually pretty close-,” they gasped out as Hels continued to to thrust hard into the same spot, picking up speed and letting small moans slip.
Hels snorted in amusement.
“Together?”
The answer was clear. Ex nodded.
Her breath stuttered as heat pooled in her gut, barely able to focus on anything let alone put together sentences. But neither of them could look away from the other - their faces flushed, expressions hazy, skin slightly damp with perspiration.
Ex started to twitch and grabbed Hels' horn, yanking him down close but not kissing him. Their lips trembled as they reached the tantalizing edge of orgasm.
Hels closed her eyes pressing their foreheads together, “You’ve done so well nether star, you deserve this,” she assured them sweetly, intentionally emphasizing his words, “be a good boy for me.”
That was all Ex needed, they went rigid and arched, gripping onto Hels’ horn making him hiss at the pleasure of it, “Hels!”
She gave one last thrust, gasping out half formed ‘i love you’s, then her mind went blank as he came with Ex. They clenched around his pulsing cock, squeezing out every drop of cum into them.
Hels partially collapsed on top of them, panting against their neck.
When she sat up and pulled out they sighed, “Can't you just stay in?”
Hels chuckled, “Maybe after we shower, ‘cmon.”
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volfoss · 8 months ago
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Actually sorry I need to bitch and moan about this. I've been reading the san.dman (do not ever do this to yourself it's a hell unimaginable by anyone) and like... I really think it's interesting how much ga/iman is praised as super progressive on Tumblr for THIS specifically when it has so so much bad in it. About 10 issues in I started a game with how many women were in the issue who survived/were raped/nearly raped and it was insane how little women did not fit into these categories. One black woman lived and the rest were all burned alive. And he then later gave an excuse that it was bc of how Dream imprisoned Nada (16 year old African queen who fell in love with him. Its a very big mess and really sucks) in Hell so of course it influenced the entire world and so every black woman but ONE (who was introduced in the second to last issue) died and died violently. Not even to get into how it plays into the really violent misogyny that he had during the short story he wrote around the end of San.dman (when he was in his mid 30s) that was literally just one graphic rape scene to a minor after another (his snow white retelling is pretty infamous bc of how bad it is just by the summary but let me tell you that it is FAR worse to read). Like there's so so much that I think people do not discuss with his writing and it honestly just is very baffling that people hype him up given well. Everything that happens in San.dman. like the endless alone has a lot of... Well let's say interesting issues. Every single woman dream comes across wants to fuck him (to the point that at his funeral, it's 90% the women he was with/wanted to be with him and then a little from his siblings????), despairs entire character is literally just that she's depressed and coincidentally the most prominent fat character (and also naked all the time. Which they did seem to fix in the show but it's baffling how it's like her, one serial killer who nearly raped a woman before dream stops him, a guy that dies and I guess Abel if you squint for the fat rep) and then desire oh my god. I wish desire was written well instead of here's our nonbinary/gender fluid/genderless rep (cool in theory!!!) and then the fact that it (in the original series, she uses he she and it pronouns) raped a woman is dropped on your head and he is not at all regretful about it and ends up like.. taunting the victims granddaughter??? And delirium my god if there was ever a representation for born sexy yesterday and also being weird as fuck about mental illness it would be her. She's barely clothed most of the time, referred to as very very young most of the time and her mental illness (vague) is just kind of used as a joke a lot of the time? Like it's a funny joke that she doesn't remember stuff or that she's overstimulated or that she's using the wrong words or talking like a child. It's really weird because all of these characters have potential but they aren't really ever treated that way. Me when I get him for every single woman treated horribly!!!!!
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variousqueerthings · 1 year ago
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actually you know whose reaction I'd be really curious about, potentially coming across fourteen in the shops? Francine!
#francine jones#martha jones#the doctor#dw#doctor who#the (second?) last time they saw each other she nodded to him#and i tend to interpret that as a mix of 'thank you for talking me down' 'hey we survived hell together' and 'thank goodness#martha is coming back to us and you and i both know it's the right thing even though i know you're a fucking mess too but also pls go'#not in the sense that martha was trapped with ten but that ten maybe Could have convinced her to stay potentially#or even just that francine was afraid that ten might do so/martha could possibly choose ten over them#also just that in some ways the jones fam saw the doctor and the master being An Terrifying Other Species moreso than most#there's that relief when martha comes back like they weren't sure she'd be walking back inside#so they dont end it on Bad terms technically#but also potentially... sees fourteen and it's a trigger? sees fourteen and is afraid for martha?#sees fourteen and assumes the end of the world is coming back? sees fourteen and is just... oh... hoped id never see you again#sees fourteen and it's an awkward british 'how have things been? good. you? yeah good. got a garden now. oh that's nice'#(was francine there when martha was on that joint call -- she was wasnt she?#i cannot remember if there's any Looks between them there that indicate how she feels about ten at that point)#anyway i think francine should've been in martha's final scene i think francine was the most important part of martha's life#that symbolised the ways that ten had affected that life#and seeing how francine potentially felt after end of time would have been such a strong indicator of how that story ended there#the tenth doctor#the fourteenth doctor#doctor who spoilers#dw spoilers
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itwoodbeprefect · 10 months ago
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flashbacks to dialogue that happened less than a minute ago are annoying and a little insulting for obvious reasons, unless it's in bad buddy episode 5 [2/4] and pat is having entirely serious sepia toned flashbacks to fifty seconds ago while almost shoving a set of drumsticks he hasn't even paid for yet up his nose. then it's brilliant and world changing
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#don't mind me i'm just chewing glass today#when the architecture band starts playing at freshy day and ink says to pat hey isn't that the song you two played that christmas?#it's like yeah... but that's a maddeningly casual way to refer to an event that in the context of the series wide metaphor#is really more like their parents caught them making out in a closet. and then pran got sent to boarding school over it#and NOW pran is up there on stage playing that same song again. looking right at pat when he announces it. but plaYING IT with WAI#and not intentionally. not in a mean sort of way. because pran doesn't know#he doesn't KNOW that pat's been shoving drumsticks up his nose while being struck cold by Love Signs#because how could he. all he knows is that very recently pat was sighing in relief that pran isn't his rival for ink. because pat likes ink#pran does NOT know that in the (very short. more than fifty seconds but still very short) meantime#pat has tried to figure out if ink might like him back. pat has in the process accidentally figured out that HE might like pran#AND pat has tried to confess his feelings to ink only for her to go. very kindly. are you sure you like me that way? i don't think you do#(because he's the wrONG SIBLING. she likes the OTHER SIBLING. which is hilarious but a different thing to go insane over)#and it's like. pran doesn't know!!! pran is just having a day like any other. pran has Known forever#he doesn't KNOW that when they're standing there surrounded by guitars (it's essentially a gay bar. don't even get me started)#(because that's a joke but it's also not. not really. it is but it's not. you know)#!! that when they're standing there surrounded by guitars. pat is suddenly going OH. in sepia toned flashbacks to fifty seconds ago#when they were ALSO standing there surrounded by guitars btw. which is the point. nothing has changed but maybe everything has#it's the same thing it was fifty seconds ago but maybe it's not. maybe pat suddenly hears the music that's been playing forever#and maybe this is way too many fucking tags. i don't even think this is the glass i was chewing originally#*#bad buddy#bad buddy the series
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cherrylight · 2 months ago
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dreamily sighs and screams
#getting emotional about ben because im never normal about ANYTHING in my life ......#just hdgjdfg UHFDGF WAH#hes so special to me....... probably why the colour green means so much to me... why its always been a fav colour of mine for who knows how#long#i like red too... obviously.#but like#he is so special to me. like i said. hes so special to me and i get ridiculously happy#i forgot how happy he makes me....#genuinely forgot how comforting this fandom is..... its so comforting#whys gushing on here so scary. i dont know. it makes no sense.#ughhhhhh#i mean ive been thinking about fanon a lot i love fanon so much it is so special to me#found family trope fr#but like sometimes i think how people treat fanon him and it makes me so sad :(#or maybe im remembering it incorrectly#but theyre always so mean to him .... or make him this comic relief character in fics#like yeah!!! he is REALLY SILLY!!!!!#but we forget hes a trickster!!!! he likes playing devious means to others!!!!!#hes so smart to me i dont know!!!!! he goes through your electronics!!!! he can mess with your files!!!!#honestly he can probably do more than that im just jittery with nerves lol#but oh ok guys. lets just make the coolest guy ever just be the comic relief gamer instead ok man. whatever.#i like the fact fanon depicts him as a gamer thats fun i love that so much :)#BUT STILL HDUGJFGFHFG#HES SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT IM GOING TO THROW MYSELF INTO ORBIT#hes so special to me. hes the worst guy ever when he wants to be. he probably has attachment issues. hes just a silly little guy.#hes everything to me#<- i wish i can remember more and more about him but i cant#all i know is i remembered cleverbot and how you could “interact” with him through it and it made me so ridiculously happy ;-;#of course i know now it was people just playing around and hoping to get something out of it BUT ITS NICE TO THINK ABOUT#sorry hes the most fascinating character to me in the entire world
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gibbearish · 4 months ago
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btw similar to the whole "if you try adderall at a party and it calms you down, get an adhd test" thing, if at some point in your life you try microdosing shrooms with a friend and end up feeling like a functional person for the first time in your life, get tested for depression. like yeah hallucinogens come with elation so youre probably gonna have some "this is the best ive ever felt in my life" vibes regardless, but like. if that in and of itself feels like finally breathing in for the first time in years, thats for sure a sign that something is up with your ability to process serotonin most of the time. feeling better than ever before should be a nice bonus, not a crushing weight off your chest
#fun fact there are currently multiple ongoing studies vis a vis the effectiveness of psilocybin on depression#both on its own and as a companion to ssris#psylocybin targets the 5ht2a serotonin receptors which wikipedia tells me are more numerous in the brains of those with depression#so like. if you spend most of your life feeling like your brain is an aquarium with a leak in it and serotonin is the water and your default#state is 'slightly damp gravel grinding painfully against itself' thats ummm not normal 👍#and on the flipside of that if you have depression that no other med has worked for and know a guy. its 1000% worth it#origibberish#also i say 'wikipedia tells me' as if i just looked it up but that all comes from a long night of spite filled research after i asked my#psychiatrist if we could use the fact that psylocybin worked for me as a basis to like. narrow down which legal antidepressant#might work instead of basically just throwing darts at a board every time#and after several minutes explaining to her that i was not just asking her to prescribe me shrooms but in a legal way she went#'ohhhh yeah no unfortunately theres been no research into that‚ yeah.... sorry......:)'#which. as far as 'lies you come up with on the spot to avoid having to say i dont know' go‚ that is. maybe the worst one to pick#like. 'no‚ thats not an option'? alright fine maybe theres some internal rules or something who knows#'theres no research' though just. immediately tanks any and all credibility 100% even on its own but considering the subject matter?#youre telling me. that humans. the famously curious species that researches fucking Everything. and also Loves playing with drugs. when#trying to figure out how to make drugs that make brains feel good. would not start with the drugs they already knew made brains feel good.#youre telling me that not one (1) singular scientist tried shrooms and went 'oh my god wait. i dont feel like im dying for the first time#ever. holy fuck i need to study this'#complete misplay. absolutely legendary fumble. there were so many ways to fuck it up and somehow you found the worst. congratulations#om the other hand though. really was an excellent setup for the punchline that is the voicemail i have from them saying she'd been fired LOL#they didnt say what for specifically but yknow. based on my own experiences i certainly have theories jebfksbfk#it was annoying in the moment but at the end of the day i have shrooms and she doesnt have the job so. whos laughing now emily KSBFKSBFKDN#this is what i mean though like. rn i feel fine. not on top of the world‚ not like a god#just. fine. i just dont feel like shit. i feel like i can do stuff if i want to‚ or chill peacefully and have it actually be. relaxing.#i dont feel like gravel right now‚ i feel like a person.#and god what a fucking relief it is#really i guess the moral overall is that if at any point you react to trying a new drug the same way an addict craving a hit for days would#then there maybe is something up with your brain chemistry because that means your default state of existence is comparable to that#of withdrawal. a famously shit experience
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toffyrats · 1 year ago
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it’s finally starting to settle in that christmas is in 3 fucking days
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bibimbinge · 4 months ago
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tired of being called inconsiderate and rude the second I say something thats not exactly in a nice tone when my brain is working 3× more to be considerate of everyone and everything else 99% of the time.
#i feel like im actually going insane#my own sister backs up her husband (who i now see in a different light ((negative)) over me#and I was understanding at first. fine. maybe I do need to pick up after myself more maybe i am messy#and my friends and family even told me that because theyve brought it up so many times now maybe i am the problem and thats okay#so i. like yeah. okay i take up too much space. i'll step back. i stay out more. i'll clean my dishes right after i use them#i already do all that#and then today she DOES IT AGAIN!! and i broke down cause she basically said this is the last warning#you need to start looking for a new place (ive been saving up PENNIES for years. it'll take 3 full months of salary to even rent a ROOM)#it took me even longer cause i was unemployed for 6 months and had to use EVERYTHING I HAD SAVED#and i gave up. im back at home and i gave in. i took a video of my room and the living room and asked my friend#is there really anything else i have to do because i am TIRED AND I CANT SEE WHATS WRONG AND WHATS MESSY PLEASE#because fuck i feel like im actually INSANE cause the way my sister has been wording it to me its like im so messy#and my friend just replies..... i am so sorry for ever being on your sisters side because you are not messy at all#and the RELIEF i felt. the weight off my shoulders LIFTED OFF INSTANTLY#IM NOT CRAZY!!! IM NOT MESSY!! IM HUMAN AND NORMAL#im just so upset right now cause it just dawned on me that.... not a single person in my famiy has my back the way i have theirs#not even my own sister.... and im tired.#personal
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vigilskeep · 2 years ago
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Keir rescuing/meeting Nathaniel quest, how did that go? Also, Nathaniel participating in the final battle against Meredith gives me brainworms.
Nathaniel getting back to Vigils Keep all like: "Commander..!" and letting her know Anders is alive is sending me.
it went well! the quest felt like a breath of fresh air because it was just such a relief for keir to see anders happy in act 3, he didn’t care why. i mean, he cared a LITTLE why. keir isn’t characteristically jealous but at some point it’s like hello i’m right here you could just tell me to my face that this guy is your ex. (whether or not you actually ship nathaniel/anders is hilariously completely irrelevant to this situation, keir is thinking it either way)
the fact that nathaniel and zev can apparently both be at the final battle makes me lose my mind. i didn’t see them there—i THINK zev was there, i skimmed through a recording i took of some of the last straw and there’s definitely a dual wielding rogue stuck outside the gate who isn’t isabela but i never got close enough to really see—but like. that’s insane. so you’re just telling me straight up that minerva’s man and right hand man were there. CANONICALLY? i can’t even comprehend that. like, this is essentially tantamount to minerva being complicit. the two people the rebel-leaning mage collective supporter blood mage hero of ferelden trusts most in the world, and they just HAPPENED to be there at the gallows after the chantry explosion. okay cassandra you may have a point about that grey warden conspiracy like what on earth else am even i the player supposed to believe
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